hello darling, welcome

Hi. It’s me. You know. That girl, from like, 15  years ago that hung out at that British Pub on a Sunday night, asking that band to play the acoustic but lively version of that Snoop Dogg song while she smoked duMaurier and drank only the best wine (the only red wine) the pub offered. 

Yea. That girl. 

Dakotas ladies Canada’s Wonderland trip in 2008. I was about 10 years too late on the Oakley’s bandwagon.

Well shit, didn’t a whole bunch of stuff happen to me along the way to get here to this moment. 

Too many snakes and ladders to mention right now, but cheese and crackers, was it ever a wild ride!

Nonetheless, in 2012 on February 1st, I walked into a bar on a Wednesday and walked out with the man of my dreams. Within hours, we had “the talk” because let’s be honest, who wants to waste time dating someone when your values and goals are out of line? At 35?! I had absolutely no time for that crap. So I told him that;

1. Dread the day, when the time comes and my mother is no longer around, my sister will possibly move in with me. 

2. I have a lot of health issues. So times can get real fun. 

3. I most likely would not be able to have children naturally, so I would want to adopt by 40. 

And what do you know? He didn’t run for the hills. He grasped my hand ever so tightly and said “Ummm. That’s a lot to deal with.  But I can deal with it, with you.”

And so we did. 

And just like that, life changed. 

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Our engagement shoot in 2013 courtesy of Brian Reilly Photography.

You can totally see the top of my spanks in this photo, but I don’t care . . . we both look hot and I haven’t been that thin in ages, as this is pre-fertility hormones.

Well, almost. I still drink the best wine the house offers ;) 

Number 1 has yet to pass, thank God. 

Number 2 (heehee, I said number 2) we have worked through together and overcome. 

Number 3, we ran at full tilt once we got married. It was years of fertility treatments, medicated cycles, IUI and then finally 3 IVFs with 2 miscarriages that brought us our daughter.  You can catch all the detailed cathartic release posts over at Finding Baby Grantham on Facebook.  And I say that with no sarcasm or edge. It was definitely cathartic and it was a release to write down everything my mind was going through. And one thing I learned in our endeavour to live the highs and lows of infertility and subsequent treatments out loud was. . . Fuck, we are not the only ones. 

Our Facebook page Finding Baby Grantham is an open and public page chronicling our navigation from infertility treatments to meeting our first miracle. It is a source for individuals who are experiencing the pangs of this rocky journey and those who want to support them.

So many people reached out and told us how our journey reflected theirs. That our words gave comfort and information. 

That our story was compelling and familiar enough for others to invest in. 

Which brings me to this day. 

February 1st, 2020. 

This week has decisively catapulted me out of my 4th trimester and into motherhood  proper. 

My babe has grown out of all of her newborn outfits and she has officially moved to her crib for overnight sleeps. 

And I joined a gym to find out how many of these fucking rolls I have acquired are permanent or just hanging around for moral support. 

We have already enjoyed the riches of shitplosions, projectile vomit, sleepless nights and zombified days. 

This was taken by our good friend Michelle on the day our daughter arrived home. I honestly don’t remember much about these few days, but I do remember who showed up to help and lend support. Love you girl xo

I joke sometimes saying that 21 year olds say how hard pregnancy and first time motherhood is, and I don’t know why I thought at twice their age this would be a solid plan. 

But then I realize, I am not joking. This shit is hard. And it’s harder in your 40’s when you already thought you had your life sorted out. But I am also sure it’s just hard for everyone. At any age. 

And what do we do when shit gets hard?! We band together as a community. And the best way I know how to bring people together, is by telling my stories. 

So this is what Gin and Juice[box] is all about. 

This first-time-mum over 40’s navigation through parenthood, infertility, career and reclaiming her identity. With a side trip to her wine rack. 

I hope you join the trip and enjoy a sip of Gin and Juice[box].